March 3, 2002
I got to hold on tight to life as I see it and not let it be tainted by someone else's apathy or my own frustration. This is my mantra of the day.
Ok.. I think I am done with the dating thing. It does nothing for me. I can't be myself when I am "dating". I can't let myself fall in love while there is active intent on their part and no balance of fate stepping in. Fate is sitting on my side, I know this and it just isn't time yet. I will be waiting for the "vavoom". There has to be an instant connection that gets only stronger has the moments of time pass while with that person. That.. and I got some personal things I just gotta get done and really I shouldn't be dragging anyone else through this. Nothing so horrendous mind you, but just the knowledge that when I figure out more about what has happen to me over the past few months.. maybe I can better focus back on me being me again.. and not some broken-hearted lost soul.
So.. I am gonna do what I do best, not look for what will eventually find me by accident. Maybe someone will end up on this website like someone else did not all that long ago and from that reach out and pinch Fate's ass and prompt something to happen.
But for now.. if you are reading this and I went on a date with you and I maybe wasn't the most pleasant of situations, don't take it personally.. I just gots a personal agenda that needs to be met before I can really see anyone else as they truly are and give them a real shot. But.. I had a lot of fun. I pushed out 6 first dates in like 3 weeks time.. but I am happy to be done with that and I don't anticipate doing that ever again. But now I know what it is like to be one of those women who had a ton of dates going on. But I am glad I am putting a stop to it now.. besides hard to keep track of who everyone is :-). And I must admit out of the several guys I have been in contact with.. 2 definitely have me curious.. although I am not worried about it in the least.
So.. instead I will be filling my time with the gym (much needed) friends (very much needed and entertaining) and music, filling my life even more with it and getting out to see some great bands and writing all about it. Never know maybe Fate will step in at some concert and land me in the eyesight of mr. wonderful.. you know that guy who will inspire me, challenge me, be a little bit of a bad boy but make me laugh at the same time, someone who can do repairs around the house, make sure my oil changes are done, listen to me sing even if I sux, and in return.. I will treat him like a king, encourage him and lift him higher than he has ever been lifted before... and I will love him.. and hug him.. and fuck him.. and I will call him George.. but that part will just be a private joke :-)
Well my friends.. to sleep I go.. my inspiration has been running low and I don't want to tap it all just tonight.
Peace and a solid Monday to you all!